A great trader is in complete control of his emotions, a picture of serenity when his markets are in meltdown. Of course, as trainees, the financial turmoil of late pales in comparison to the emotional roller-coasters each of us go through in almost every trade. Here are some of the classic poses and expressions I’ve observed from my trader classmates (and of course I am as guilty as O.J. in all of these too!).

1.      The “I’m a trainee get me out of heeeeere!!!”

This is the expression we all have when we’re in a trade we know we really shouldn’t be in. We just want to be out of the situation ASAP. It’s the kind of situation where you would rather eat your own vomit than continue to be in this awful trade. Eyes are almost closed, like a kid watching SAW III, and we are hunched over our desk at an utterly ridiculous angle. It happens every day.
2.      The “Mrs Doyle”.

How do you know when a trainee has just made a successful trade? – Just look out for the below expression on his/her face. When Mrs. Doyle correctly guessed the name of the priest in that brilliant Father Ted Christmas special, the level of smugness and “I-told-you-so” to be seen on her face is nothing compared to that of a trainee who has just made their one and only successful trade of the day.
3.      The “this could be big, really big”

Approximately once ever millennium, a trainee trader lands himself in a phenomenal trade, and you always know when this happens by the expression on our face. If we were poker players we would not last very long with our current level of composure. When in a really profitable trade, the trainee’s eyes widen, his mouth dries up, and his heart is beating at a rate that would most likely bury one of our beloved older members of society.
What is really worrying is that we are only on simulation markets! We’ll have to buy a defibrillator before we finally take a flight into the real world.